Funny Quotes with hilarious humor and witty words

funny quotes

This post is going to present to you some extraordinarily funny quotes. We like to read quotes as these wise sayings help us to come out of many complex situations or at least help us to regain our confidence and then move ahead. Now, why do we need these funny quotations and how are these going to help us?

As we move on our life path we need some moments when a few drops of funny moments can bring a lot of positivity to our life. At these moments, we can take the help of funny quotes and funny memes for a quick mood upliftment. Funny Quotes are hilarious sayings or wordings with witty punchlines.

These sometimes have some lessons or messages hidden behind the apparently simple and funny words. Sometimes these quotes amuse us just with sarcasm and good humor with the sharp punch lines.

“Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.”

This special post is a collection of quotes full of funny sayings with humor and witty punch lines.

Funny Quotes with witty punch lines and humor


Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.” – George Bernard Shaw


“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” ― Albert Einstein


The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” ― Terry Pratchett


# Funny Quotes by Einstein on Relativity
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
― Albert Einstein


“Of all the trees we could’ve hit, we had to get one that hits back.”
― J.K. Rowling


#funnyQuotes #MarkTwain
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
― Mark Twain

#funnyQuotes #fate #joke
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”
― Lemony Snicket


I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.” – Groucho Marx


# sarcastic # funny quotes
“To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid; you must also be well-mannered.”Voltaire


“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”
― Terry Pratchett


“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”
― Scott Adams


“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” ― Henry Ward Beecher


“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz


# funny Quotes about jealousy
“Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.” ― J.R. Ward


“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” ― George Carlin


“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. ― E. B. White


The amount of noise which anyone can bear undisturbed stands in inverse proportion to his mental capacity” – Arthur Schopenhauer


“Journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.” – Rebecca West


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.” – Michael Korda


“It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.” – Samuel Butler

 
“If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.” – Voltaire


“When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.”- Victor Borge

Funny Quotes about Life

# funny quotes about life
“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.” ― William Arthur Ward


“I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.”
― Arthur C. Clarke


“The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle.”- Heinrich Heine

 
“I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.”- Harold S. Kushner


“The only possible form of exercise is to talk, not to walk.”- Oscar Wilde


“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― C.E.M. Joad


# funny quotes life
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you.”
― Rita Mae Brown


“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
― Mark Twain


# short funny quotes # WhatsApp # Instagram
“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir


# funny Quotes about books
“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.”
― Markus Herz


“I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together.” ― Charles Dickens


# funny Quotes jokes
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” ― Claude Pepper


“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” ― Milton Berle


“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
Lana Turner


“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”
Joey Adams


“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” ― Ellen DeGeneres


“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley


# humor # funny quotes about love
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.” ― Jarod Kintz


#funny # about kids # bad grades in school
“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!” ― Bill Watterson


“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”- Jules Renard


“Television: chewing gum for the eyes.”- Frank Lloyd Wright


“Morality is the weakness of the mind.”- Arthur Rimbaud

Funny Quotes Short


“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain


“I love mankind … it’s people I can’t stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
― Bette Midler

“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
― Douglas Adams

“The world is a stage and the play is badly cast.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
― Robert Benchley

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.” ― Erma Bombeck


“The secret to humor is surprise.” ― Aristotle


“I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.”
Frank Howard Clark

“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”
― Mark Twain

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
― Orson Welles

“Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it.”
Langston Hughes


“Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.”
Mary Hirsch


Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.Robert Benchley


A study of economics reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.V― Marty Allen


“I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.” ― Lemony Snicket


“That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.”
A. Whitney Brown


“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.” ― Jane Austen

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.” — John Wilmot


“If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.” — Anon


“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” — Scott Adams


“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” — Cullen Hightower


“All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.” — H. L. Mencken

 “I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.”- Oscar Levant

 “Golf is a good walk spoiled.”- Mark Twain

“Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.”- Oscar Wilde

 “Wit is so shining a quality that everybody admires it; most people aim at it, all people fear it, and few love it unless in themselves.”- Lord Chesterfield, letter to his godson, December 18, 1765

 “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.”- H. L. Mencken

“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”- Groucho Marx

“No good deed goes unpunished.”- Clare Booth Luce

“It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.”- Jerome K. Jerome

“A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.”- H. L. Mencken

“Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.”- Nicholas Murray Butler

“The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.”- John Barrymore

“An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.”- Don Marquis

“My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.”- Peter De Vries

Take Away

These funny quotes talk about life, love, relationships, human attributes, and so many other topics.

The persons quoting such funny words with deep meaning and sarcastic twist certainly belong to the group of sharpest minds who can see things from a different angle and generate such marvelous wordings.

We have posts of this same funny genre – you should certainly browse through and enjoy those:

Funny quotes about friends

Funny Quotes for the Gym folks

Funny Exam & School Meme